I've Cracked The Code on Building Female Friendships

and turns out, it's also good for your cardiovascular health.

Having my own group of girlfriends stopped being a priority for me around the age of 26 (for context, I’m now almost 33). Throughout my life I’ve been part of a friend groups that looked great but lacked that deep connection and support so many people seem to experience in their friend groups. I’ve also been burned badly with past friendships, that made me question what the point of having friends really is? But as you grow up, you look at your life and what’s important to you, and I think I can be honest in saying, close female friendships looked incredible and I just wanted to experience it for my own. Let me be clear, I have a few amazing friends who I love deeply, but I’ve known for a while that I have space for more.

A lot of my internal work has been on me becoming more of myself (or at least figuring out who that really is) and part of that is learning who I am separate of my work, marriage and family.

The idea of friendship kept coming up and I knew it was time to actually do something about it.

Making friends as an adult is so intimidating. When you’re younger, it just happens. You’re constantly exposed to people your own age going through the same life experiences as you. Of course, all friendship is effort, but the opportunity to make and sustain friendships is virtually everywhere when you’re young. Once you’re a little bit more settled into your adult life, your commitments dictate where and how you spend your time, so going beyond that is, for lack of a better term, work. I’ve also learned that your husband and his friends are not the same as having your own friends (trust me, I’ve tried to convince my therapist of this idea too many times). But - with all hard work comes big rewards, and recently, I’ve had amazing experiences in building new friendships, who would of thunk!?

So now that I’m in my making friends era, I have a few tips to share:

1. Putting yourself out there is rewarding! Nothing changes if nothing changes and I find getting over my fears and acting on what I want to be super rewarding. Shoot your shot and see what happens.

2. Be true to yourself. Own who you are and where you’re at. New friendships are your curation, not anything you need to ‘mold’ into.

3. We’re all looking for connection. I’m a super emotional person with big thoughts and feelings, and to me, friendship is about being honest about what we’re going through in life. When you feel safe in a new friendship, it’s amazing what comes from being open. It’s a leap of faith but a well worth it one once you do.

4. Relax, but not too relaxed. It’s important to find the balance between letting things evolve naturally and making effort. Make plans and show up for them. That’s how you build friendship.

5. Stay up to date on pop culture. I know that seems silly or superficial, but it’s actually been super helpful to use as a tool in conversation, especially in the beginning. I’ve been listening to The Toast for a little while now and I love how light hearted they (the hosts, Jackie and Claudia) are. It’s a good reminder for me that solid friendships are a balance between lightness and depth.

6. Talk about everything, except other people. Gossip is an ugly colour that looks good on no one. Don’t waste this new precious opportunity talking about others. It’s not how you want to bond with someone.

And my best tip: the walk and talk.

If you care about getting your 10,000 steps and want to make meaningful friendships, walking and talking is IT. Why?

• fresh air

• relaxed pace

• sense of accomplishment

• conversation flows more naturally

• no direct eye contact pressure

• the movement of walking creates an openness, especially in conversation

By the end of the walk, you both want to schedule the next one because the feeling is so infectious. It’s also super refreshing to socialize without alcohol, food or spending money. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE going to dinner, but it adds up and can be challenging to maintain, especially if you're focused on taking care of your health and yourself. I now look at those older women power-walking in pairs in the early mornings and evenings in a new whole light. They were so onto something! Who knew you could get fitter and happier while making new friends as an adult? Not only that, but one positive action can have a domino effect and before you know it, you’re texting each other about finding places to start playing pickleball together.

For anyone looking to make new friends as an adult, I see you and get it. I’m holding myself accountable to all of you to continue on this path. But also know it’s a lot more possible than you may think! I encourage you to try the walk + talk and see how it goes. And if it’s not a fit, at least you got your steps in, and that you never regret.

Love you, bye!